The Girl Without A Heart

https://soundcloud.com/clare-means/paper-doll

 

 

Well she had a heart once. In her mind it was the biggest heart of all. Full of love, compassion, caring, and enough emotions to fill the deepest trench known to man. She would give her heart freely. See this is where the problem began. She gave her love genuinely and in return she thought that love would be returned in the same capacity. For to this day it has never been proven true. Her first love, she was only thirteen as was he. They spent hours on the phone and this was also her very first kiss. 💋 What was this feeling she was feeling inside? Her heart has never felt like this before and it was addicting. The rush of adrenaline when she heard his voice, seen his face, felt his kiss. She felt it in her very soul. Though these feelings would forever change. This boy who claimed to love her had chosen another. She was an older girl and had a car, definitely not better in the looks department but this is what he chose over her love. She felt betrayed, cold, broken and emotionally withdrawn. Just trying to understand; her self doubt started to fill her mind. Consuming her every thought with the question of why? Was she not good enough, rich enough, or beautiful enough? Because she knew her heart was big enough; Goddamitt!! 

This is when the first scar left its deep mark. As time passed she found another, she gave her heart again, but again to no avail her love was refused and her heart given another scar. The cycle of self doubt started again with no true answers, and this seemed to be the hardest most painful part. She tried again and again for love and the deceit and lies that came with it were worse with each one. Every time she managed to pick up her shattered heart to find small pieces of it missing each time.

So she decided to be alone for a long while, as to deal with the heartbreak. Finding meaningless relationships to fill the void. But along came a spider, one filled with poison. He disguised himself as a beautiful butterfly. With her darkened heart all she wanted to feel was the feeling she felt when her heart had never been more alive. For in her fragile state she mistaken this boy for a man. He was a collector of hearts and in a jar is where he kept them. Her heart to be the next in the collection of many.

Her judgment was clouded and diluted with the one thing she wanted to feel most. So she gave him her already broken heart, and well he did what most poisonous spiders do. He poisoned her heart, mind and soul slowly over time. Feeding off of her pure energy. It was addicting to him like love was for her. She was to never be the same again. All his promises broken, he said he would fix her already broken heart and it was a blatant lie. He took it for his selfish need.  Left empty and hollow she hates herself for trusting ever again. Hopeless in love and heartless to her core; wondering to this very day if true love really exists and if there is a real man on this whole damn earth who can bring her back to life?